No Excuses

No Excuses

There is no excuse for this
When a heart no longer feels
The excuses pile up like snow
Of things that they don't know
I remember being 9
When my mother lost her mind
She walked a crooked line
Her own excuses trampled
By fortresses of dictators and men
Her paranoia filled her head
She listened to her intuition
She gave her premonitions
To plastic knives
Like a cat with ten lives
Overdosing on prozac
She told me men raped her
I don't know what's true anymore
I've been depressed
But it's only because of this
I take all your medicines
To make me feel better in this skin
But it's such a sin you know
Because it doesn't help me so
This is life, a fucked up dream
Everyone is ready to redeem my sins
My excuses, my defenses
I smoked, I choked, I escaped
I'm not the girl I used to be
But today I'm saying enough
Of all these medicines
No more klonopin or insanity
No more beauty love or vanity
My life is just another selifsh hope
That I could go back to myself
And not be empty, a vacancy
Like everyone wants me to be
I'm not taking your medicines
I'm not taking your drugs
I'm just clean, like soap
I haven't given up on hope
And if it makes you cry
I don't know why
No one here really understands
All the shit just doesn't make sense
I am blocking out the memories
I have no disease, not anymore
I have no disease, I am not yours
Entertained by my affliction
Entertained I have an addiction
These cigarettes sell me smoke
I can't take a hit because
The roads are turning to bend
And I'll keep writing my heart out
To people who won't comprehend
Beauty in the lifestyles we mended
With the enemies we created
It'll be a past-time, I'm not mine
Just get fucked up, do a line
Coming undone aint really fun
I am the number one girl
Let's spin the world around again
I wanted to be a singer
I wanted to dance
I wanted to write a film
About this horrible defeatedness
In this ugly dress, my ugly self
The one you hate because
I am not your friend now
I don't even know how
And if I took too much maybe
It's the insanity that killed me
Now you're all going to get arrested
And now you're all getting arrested
And I've been arrested before
By people in white coats and whores
Tell me to take the injection
Make it go away
Give me your klonopin
That'll make my rainy day
Isn't it so beautiful you know
When you don't know what to say
At least I'm still breathing
My ears bleeding and I'm fading away
Well you can say I can't write
You can say I have no fears
I'm freaked out enough to fight
Through all of these tears
And if it's second rate
Well I guess you said it was too late
To be a superstar egomaniac
I'm not taking your prozac
I'm not taking your shit
I'm not taking your free spirit
I'm just going to get through this